Sexologist Breaks Down Why Men Experience Drops in Libido

Published April 17, 2026

Welcome to Relationship Rehab, news.com.au’s weekly column dedicated to resolving your romantic dilemmas without holding back.

This week, our expert sexologist Isiah McKimmie discusses the reasons behind men’s declining sex drives and offers advice on how to restore them.

QUESTION: My husband and I have very different levels of sexual desire, which is causing tension in our marriage. We used to be in sync, but lately his libido has sharply decreased while mine has increased. I want sex three or four times a week, but he falls asleep immediately after lying down and rarely shows interest otherwise. How can we ensure both of us feel satisfied?

ANSWER: Differences in sexual desire are the most frequent issue couples bring to me as a Couples Therapist and Sexologist. I fully understand the emotional pain this can cause for both partners. Despite the difficulties, it is possible to work through this together and maintain a strong relationship.

A difference in sexual desire is common in relationships

Often, it is our expectations around sexual desire that cause the greatest difficulties. I want you to know that many couples experience mismatched desire levels. This does not necessarily indicate a lack of love or attraction between partners.

Libido naturally fluctuates over the course of life and can change independently for each partner at different times. However, when these changes are sudden or significant, it’s important to explore the root causes.

It can be especially tough when a male partner experiences a loss of interest in sex

While mismatched sexual desire is challenging in any relationship, it can be particularly difficult when men experience a decline in libido—whether in heterosexual or queer partnerships.

When men lose sexual interest, it can affect their sense of masculinity and self-esteem, often leading to feelings of shame and helplessness. This situation can also be painful for their partner, as it contradicts the common stereotype that men always have a high sex drive. Partners may feel unattractive or unwanted.

Again, please remember this does not necessarily reflect on your attractiveness or your partner’s love for you.

How to effectively manage differences in libido

I want to stress that both partners’ happiness involves more than just the frequency of sex. It’s not about compromising on how often you have sex, but about working together so each person feels understood, loved, and desired.

Navigating this issue isn’t simple, but there are steps that can help.

Whether openly discussed or not, it’s likely both of you are struggling with this in some way. Both perspectives are valid and your feelings are genuine.

Trying to understand each other’s viewpoint and showing empathy will help you collaborate as a team and sustain a strong relationship.

2. Identify factors affecting sexual desire

When we don’t understand why desire has changed, it can leave us feeling confused and powerless.

For many, sexual desire is “responsive,” meaning it reacts to various influences. These can be physical or biological, emotional or psychological, or environmental and relational.

Let’s begin by exploring what might be causing your husband’s reduced libido.

Common causes of decreased libido in men:

Men often find it difficult to discuss the challenges they face. Are you aware of any issues your partner might be experiencing that could affect his desire?

It might also be beneficial for your husband to consult a trusted and compassionate doctor to explore possible physical or psychological reasons.

3. Foster intimacy beyond sex to meet both your needs

A strong relationship foundation is crucial for nurturing sexual desire.

Research indicates that a deep connection—where both partners feel loved, safe, trusting, and playful—is one of the key elements for sustaining satisfying sex over time.

Are you still expressing love and affection in other ways? Do you share fun and playful moments? Are you engaging in meaningful conversations and creating an emotionally safe space for each other?

4. Take deliberate steps to revive sexual intimacy in ways that suit you both

In long-term relationships, sexual intimacy doesn’t always happen spontaneously. Couples who are happiest in the bedroom prioritize sex and take practical measures to maintain this aspect of their relationship.

You may need to have an open discussion about practical actions you can take, such as scheduling intimacy when he is not tired or focusing on activities that are most likely to ignite his desire.